Ghosting is one of the most hurtful ways to end a relationship or an almost-relationship. This happens when you end a relationship with someone by disappearing suddenly without explanation. One minute, you’re both happy and in love. Next thing you know, you’re swiping for a new date on Bumble again.
Since ghosting has become such a common occurrence in the dating realm, there are two other phenomena that stemmed from it. There’s Caspering, as in Casper the Friendly Ghost, where they usually give you a heads up before they disappear. And then there’s Zombieing, where the ghost has the audacity to come back later out of nowhere without any explanation (yes, we all deserve an explanation and an acceptable reason!) These zombies shouldn’t be allowed to come back into your life as this will only lead to more toxicity in your relationship.
Afraid of Being in a Relationship?
It’s natural for anyone to want to define a relationship. But when you are unsure of what you want in life, then this can trigger commitment issues and definitely be a reason labeling relationships can be so difficult.
I’d been in a “relationship” before with someone who couldn’t define our relationship. We did all the things that couples do but we never had a label. I eventually got tired of being stuck in limbo, so I called it quits. Long story short, I cut off my toxic relationship with him but still remained friends (with boundaries), but only at arm’s length.
But what made it harder was that I had to work closely with him on some projects. I must admit, there was that one time when I caught him staring at me with longing eyes from the reflection of a window. And sometimes, after our meetings, he would offer me a ride home or invite me to have coffee with him. I turned down his invites each time and eventually ended my friendship with him. It’s hard to get over someone who you used to date and who you still see every single day at work. In the end, I resigned so I could pull myself back together.
Not Dead But Will Ghost
A few years ago, I booked a flight to Bacolod to meet someone that I matched with on a dating app. It was a crazy time! We had been texting non-stop for four months which was the longest time I’d flirted with someone. He was 11 years older than me and seemed serious. He used the typical boyfriend starter pack: calling me an endearing name, asking me whether I got home safe or if I’d already eaten among other things. He had already plotted out his calendar for our scheduled meetings, like when we were going to see each other and whose turn it was to visit.
Fast forward to the month before my scheduled trip, the number of texts he’d sent me started dwindling down from a few to zero. Since this was my first solo flight, I prepared a plan B in case he was a no-show. Sad to say, it never got anywhere, but I still traveled as scheduled.
RIP Haciendero Dude.
That’s The Spirit!
I dated a few men who were quite persistent and who didn’t take no for an answer. I told them that I was not interested in them in more ways than one, but being rejected was apparently not in their vocabulary. I think maybe my actions might have given them mixed signals. The only way to stop them was to block them across all my social media platforms and blacklist them on my phone.
One time, I went on a first date with a Pastry Chef. Since he was running his own pastry business, he brought a few samples to our date. We had a typical itinerary for our date: dinner, movies, and drinks. The date was not bad, but it wasn’t great either. Even though our date wasn’t awesome, I seemingly made a good impression on him, so he asked me for a second date. But I simply wasn’t interested. The chemistry just wasn’t there. This went on for over a month until I ran out of excuses, so I blocked his number so he couldn’t reach me.
Ghosted.
Dead End
The funny thing about guys who ghost you is that they seem to know how to get you wrapped around their fingers. Maybe you’re familiar with how this scenario plays out. But let me just take you through it step by step.
- Step 1: I-Really-Want-Him-To-Text-Me phase
- Step 2: Followed by the million-dollar question: Why-Isn’t-He-Texting-Me?
- Step 3: Then there’s the denial stage when you tell yourself you don’t care when you actually do.
- Step 4: You’ve finally accepted the fact that he isn’t going to text you and at this point, you’ve actually stopped caring
- Step 5: He texts you
We all have been through the feeling of excitedly waiting for their replies. We’ve had moments where we’d stare at our phones every few minutes checking if we still had a signal, if the Wi-Fi was on, or whether his reply got lost in cyberspace. But it’s when we stop caring for their reply at all that they’d send a text.
And maybe that’s the lesson to it. Respond in the way they respond and reciprocate the same energy they give out.
Ghosting and being ghosted can trigger emotional stress. I hope we can exorcise all these ghosts of ex-boyfriends/girlfriends and the almost-relationship ghosts in our lives. And always remember to follow the golden rule. Don’t do unto others what you don’t want others to do to you. So do yourself a favor and stop ghosting people. Maybe then you’ll get rewarded with all the good karma and won’t get ghosted too.
This article originally appeared in G.Spot on October 2021.
